Love Came Down

something has been consuming my thought life.

and though this note may be very honest and open with my current state, it reveals the matter we are all faced with. i find myself asking for love that i, not a moment later, reject, and give my all in an exhale and breathe in my own will again. constantly this battle of wanting all that God has for me, the end all outcome - the wife, car, ministry, computer, friends. everything. reading more scriptures about how to obtain comfort.. and never crying out for him. and i realize, sometimes i still consider him just a magic genie, and since he loves me, i get my wish.

and on top of that, i act like i have it. like i have love. that "the love of Christ compels me" like in 2 Corinthians 5...ha.. i lost something... lets be real.

here is a reality of love in case someone else forgot:

if love compelled me, how could i laugh at a joke at someone's expense? if love was burning in me, how could i laugh at retards or think someone's death was awesome, no matter who it was? how could i avoid homeless people and drunks, homosexuals and perverts? if i really had compassion, how could i hear about sickness in someone's body and shrug, and say, "oh that sucks"...

sometimes i think animal rights activists care more about some spiritless animal than i do a human being, that somehow it is hard to love one another like something out there doesn't want us to.. hmm

i have been desensitized.

the point of this is that for me alone, it is simply impossible to live at this standard. this is why what i just said, the love, the compassion, is an outcome of an encounter with love. and from experience, i know that this kind of compassion is obtainable, and only from an encounter with true love.

do you know, if we all simply took free this gift of love, and became it, let it compel us. what would happen? if to live was really Christ, and to die was our ultimate gain?

i have been set down a course of selfishness, even though i knew the whole time that i felt the most free when i was taken over by love. and i've sat around like some of you saying, "but i don't feel that way, i don't care about people like that, that's just not me." well, seek love. and that will change. transform into that. of course it's uncomfortable to try to give someone something you don't have!

so the challenge:

if you hate life, seek God.
if you're bored, ask the Holy Spirit to baptize you in fire.
if you're being attacked, cry out for his presence.
if you have no one to talk to, talk to him. build a relationship. even if you feel dumb cause it looks like your talking to your self, be real. and real is what he'll give you.

i'm sick of living without love. anything else you're living for.. is nothing without it. let that sink in... NOTHING!!! blank page. void. you were lungs that forgot to inhale. there is no lasting affect.

the point of this isn't to condemn anyone, even myself. this is where i find myself, at a loss of love, and if God is love....that's a problem. cause if he really did own my life, i would easily love. easy math, right?

so this is just to get you asking if there's something missing.

God, i ask for an encounter, that the reader would feel your love right now in a thick tangible way, that they would be thrust into a revelation of love.

love actually can save this world.. if we let it. will this be the generation?...

Written by Ben Graton 2/4/2010

editor's notes:

This is the writing that propelled me to start this blogsite. Ben is my brother and a radical fiery lover of Jesus. He's a voice for the voiceless generation, crying out for justice and freedom for the oppressed. He currently resides in Albany, OR, where he leads worship, singing and playing the guitar (and other various instruments) and is involved in the youth ministry at Vineyard Christian Fellowship.